Friday, June 21, 2013

Bull's-Eye versus Green Arrow!

You know who doesn't get enough disrespect?

Yup: Green Arrow.

It's not his fault, really.  Entire interstellar empires could devote the sum of their cultural output to disrespecting Green Arrow, and it would still fall short of what he deserves. And he already has a show on the CW Network, which is pretty much the maximum amount of disrespect our own planet can generate.

But still I feel I should do my share.  I'll take another shot at Green Arrow; I may miss the mark. Or I just may hit the


For those of you who don't already know, the Golden Age Green Arrow's arch-enemy was...

a circus clown. 

Leapo.  His "real" name was "Leapo the Clown".  But his nom du crime was "Bull's Eye" (a pointed thematic taunt at Green Arrow). He was an acrobat, which allowed him to do the one thing that most Green Arrow foes never thought to do: duck.

As legendary as Green Arrow's suck level is, that of his villains is even greater.  I mean, how pathetic is it when your archenemy is a freaking clown?!

Um.  No offense intended.

Pretty much the only thing that could make Green Arrow a more obvious lame Batman rip-off than he naturally is would be to give him a pale (if you'll pardon the phrase) imitation of the Joker.  So the Golden Age writers clearly wanted to make sure you got the point and created Bull's-Eye.

Green Arrow and young Speedy are the target for mocking laughter and bitter scorn!  And THEN Bull's-Eye shows up!

"Green Arrow will crawl in some corner and wish he were dead...just like everyone else does!" 

How does one take Green Arrow DOWN a peg or two? Short of having the Red Bee kick his ass?

"Action in the offing!"  How many days a week do you think Roy gets the crap beat out of him at school? I'm guessing at least two. And that's just from the girls.

I assume that Roy and Ollie just sit there at all times staring out the window, lest they miss the 5 seconds that rocket appears in the sky.

Hey, Bull's-Eye.  Next time the Famed Bowmen stupidly launch themselves at you via catapult, just hold out your fist.  Or better yet, an old boxing glove arrow, and watch them smash their stupid faces into it.  Now THAT would be comic book irony.

Unfortunately, this story takes place a year before the boxing glove arrow is invented, so rather than going for comic book irony, Bull's-Eye beats the crap out of GA and that kid in red with the usual clown weapons: a jack in the box, an exploding cigar, a balloon filled with tear gas.  But my favorite part is where he says, "Screw it, you two aren't worth wasting good schtick-weapons on," and just throws some rocks at them.

Rocky Grimes, eat yer heart out.

Add "stones" to the list of "1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow."

Anyway, thanks to a tip from Bull's-Eye as to his next crime (because god forbid Green Arrow should figure anything out for himself), Ollie and Roy go to a ritzy nightclub where they receive all the respect they deserve:

"Ringside table, Green Arrow?"
"No, thanks; I'll sit at the side-table. I shouldn't wish to attract attention."

Um, yeah.  Some snooty maitre d' just took Green Arrow's toys and banished him to the Kid's Table.  Exactly like at the Justice League Thanksgiving dinners.  I'd almost feel sorry for Ollie, if he weren't Green Arrow.

Bull's-Eye shows up and switches out GA's arrows for ones that backfire, in an obvious rip-off of the famous "Joker's utility belt" story.  

Okay, sure, I know: "the Joker's Utility Belt" was published five years after this Bull's-Eye story.  But you know damn well the Joker was already planning it at this point.

Hey, Green Arrow. Next time, try walking your ass six feet and just punching the guys who're holding up the tables Bull's-Eye is climbing.  You won't even need a boxing glove arrow, which is fortunate, since you haven't invented it yet.

In fact, GA doesn't wait until next time. Somehow it finally occurs to him, "My archenemy is poised on a high unstable jenga tower ...on a planet with GRAVITY!"  

My hero.  
Pity they don't show Bull's-Eye body weight shattering GA's collarbone when he lands on him.

It all ends when the bowmen start shooting meat forks and butcher knifes.   Yes, really.

Three weeks.  It took them three weeks to get all the blood stains cleaned up.  And they used Bon Ami.

I kind of wish they'd just run with this, with Bull's-Eye having driven Ollie mad, and Green Arrow would have become a murderous lunatic, shooting meat forks and butcher knives at Star City jaywalkers and people who step on the grass, like a Punisher for Scofflaws.  You know, a DC comic that Marvel fans could enjoy.

Monday, June 17, 2013


There are few times when I do not trust myself to make commentary on comic book panels, no matter what they may contain, because in my readings I have seen all sorts of things.

However, THIS....

... is definitely one of those times.

Yep; not going to touch that one with a ten-foot pole. But you're welcome to take a crack...